im so tired so tired of this life.
from today onwards,i dun think im coming online so often anymore.
i nid to work hard for mid yr and most importantly,
o levels..

everyday i onli have something to say.im damn tired of this fucked up life.
i hate to open my eyes every morning bcos i hate to go to sch.
i dragg myself to sch everyday.
i hate to go sch early.cos theres nth ferr me to do in the class.

last time i would enjoy going to sch early.
but not now.
everything is different now.

i shldnt blame anyone for this.i onli have myself to blame.
bcos im the one who made this decision.
whyy shld i hold on to something i jolly well noe will nv have a happy ending?

maybe it shld end.or perhaps i shld say.it will definitely end.
once i leave that sch.but i dun wan it to end
cos on that day something i dread will come true.
and till then,from then,everything will onli be in my dreams..

i want to go back to the past.everything is so much simpler.
i want to turn the time back.
i regretted.
but even if i did,that may never happen
cos its a dream
not a reality.

a dream is a wish that ur heart makes.
a dream is something that u long ferr
but will nv come true.
thats a dream.

i dun wan to let u go bcos u complete my puzzle of life
without u,i will nv be who im today.
but eventually i still have to
bcos its really silly to hold on to something
that will nv ever come true.

i love the days.the olden days.
but it will never return again.
our childish days...
i miss the days.
at least we're still close as frens.

but i dun think its something bad.i will nv regret it.
cos this thing taught me alot of thing.
that at least something will be impossible in life.
theres no such thing as nothing is impossiblee.

another thing that i learnt was that
one shld nv climb too high.
when we gives ourselves high hopes,
we will fall from a great height.

im scare to climb up high now.
cos i noe the feeling of falling.
its horrible and scary.
from that day that i fell,
i nvv plan to stand up on my feet again.

i have also learnt that
many a things in life..
is not what we want it to be.
we cant change it,so we just have to accept it.

im making this entry as long as possible.
cos the nxt time im online again.
i dunnoe when that will be again
and now.nothing can ever make me smile again
like what i used to do in the past.
smilling and laughing.

everybody has problems now and then.
i nv said mine was big though.
everybody tells me their prob.
i will nv tell anyone my though.
cos even if i do.they cant help me.nobody can.

im on my own.always on my own.
this may be the last time im blogging
until further later on
im sad yes im
im tired yes im
i nid someone here for me
but that will nv happen

im so tired.very very tired.i view the world in a different eye now.
sometimes things can be beautiful sometimes they can be ugly.
sometimes i m on the edge of breaking down but i dun,
because i told my self.
kuu shii ruo zhe de xingg weii.
suo yi wo jue bu yingg xu zi ji diao xia yi di yan leii.

i dun think i will ever smile again.cos nothing can make me smile now.
even if i do,that does not mean that im happy.
i wan to see how much i can type
i wan to type the longest entry that i have ever type
so this entry is sort of everything combined together.

i dun noe what to say.im tired to say anything now.
i dunnoe if i wan this to end.i dunnoe if i shld continue
to walk in or walk out.

ima like lost in a forest.
its cold and dark and scary.
im lost in there.
i nid light to guide me out.

so i walked in deeper and deeper into the forest
hoping that i will see light.
but i still havnt.
i have walked a long way ffrom my starting point ald.
still i have not see the light.

even my maple char is feeling sad.
if u see my display picture on msn.
that will what its gonna be.
forever
till one day i find something
that will give me a reason to smile again
that will make me feel happy again
thats when i will change my display pic

many a things i wan to say here.
buts its not very fang bian.
i cant believe this is me.
i nv tot i will be like this.
guess human change.
every one does change.

im not the old me now.
i dun like to smile now
unlike in the past
cos everything is so easy
and little things can make me smile

now nothing can
cos i dun see a nid for me to smile anymore
i no longer smile ferr im happy.
i smile ferr the sake of smiling.

onli somebody can cheer me up
sometimes its wendy bahh
but not always tats possible
cos we are both tired of our lives now

shes someone i cannot live without.
without her,i will also not be who im todayy.
cos its her who made me see the light.
who made me realise i made a wrong choicee.

who guided me out slowly.
until i got myself into another fix..
im always the one who made all these fucking decision.
she tried to help me.
yes partly
but still not enough to get me out of this fix.

cos i noe tis fix..
is something that no one
but i me myself
can get myself out of it

she helped me fufill one of my wishes,
my long awaited dream.
thats one of the reason whyy i love her so muchh.=))
im not a les if thats wat ure thinking
i simply love her as my fren=))

but thats still another dream.
one which can nvv be fufilled by anyone else.
onli i can make that happen.
but i dun noe how.
i havnt got a single clue on how to fufill that dream.

i dun noe what happen
that made me like this.
it just doesnt seems to be a overnight change though.
perhaps its all accumulated bahh.

i dun like the me now.
cos its boring.
everytime say sian,sian,sian.
in the past its so fun.
i enjoy going to sch.
cos somethings motivate me to go sch.
now i dun.
and i dun find anything that can motivate me now.

tired everyday.
not those kind of tired
that once i sleep
i will be energetic again
its a different kind of tired.

tired of the same routine daily.
wake up,study,come home,study,slp
and the nxt day
everything repeats itself again.
i wan and nid excitement in my life.

but till now,i cant find anything thats exciting enough.
if life was a book,i will tear all the pages away.
and then there will be many many missing pages in between.
but i dun mind.bcos thats better than the pages filled with craps.

after working i have learn many things.
lifes more simpler as a student
homework and homework
test and test
thats all.

thats why now im grateful that im still a student
but now its probably a little too late.
im ald a sec four student..
now then come and say i wan to be a student

on one hand,i dun feel like graduating.
cos i dun wan to work,i dunwan to be separated from my frens
but these things are not for me to decide.
i have to graduate no matter i wan it or not.

im always scolded.even for the things i nv do.
just like that previous geo lesson.
i didnt talk.and im scolded.
what kind of fuckk is this.

i hate to be accused wrongly.
bcos they always think its not their fault
but they never think before
everything is my fault to them

but they never felt that they were in the wrong before.
wat the fuck is this world coming to?

i hate them
everyone of them
if she never gets the phone,what has it got to do with me?
its none of my business if she didnt get that call
cos its her prob and not mine
it got nothing to do with me!

i hate her frens when they accuse me
they sucks.
it was them who hang first
they dont seem to understand.
but they think they can blame anyone they wan
old pple are just so unreasonable.

i hate geography now and poa too
maybe i cant get a1 for poa anymore
cos im not good at it anymore
i nv had an interest in poa in the first place.

i hate it when they kpkb me
its not that im being rude
tat i talk back to them
but its bcos they dun understand

they tot they are right.
always right.
typical adults.

i cant be perfect u noe..
i can onli try to be perfect
but i try to be perfect
but nothing was worth it..
its no use tryingg.

im sick and tired of making decisions.
i seriously dont noe which course i wan to go in.
i dun noe if i wan to go poly or jc
i dun wan to decide anyway
im tired to make decisions.

i think my final decision is to give up.
cos i cant hold on any longerr.
im not strong.im weak and fragile.

im a failure.i cant handle things well.
i always make the wrong decisions.
and i always disappoint myself.
i cant do anything right.

this is a long entry isnt?
seriously long.
this is the longest i have ever typed.
cos i thinkk from today on,
this blog is gonna be pretty dead soon.

as i will not be blogging so often as lastt time.
thats why everything is kinda written here.
but sitll not all of it is here.
bcos somethings are better left
unsaid...

i have nothing else to say
for everything that im gonna say is that im sian
++sian++
thats all.so i shld stop now
bcos i will be repeating myself.

++end++

♥ 5:06 PM